Getting better and better...

So, I was continuing to get weaker, but because I reduced my dose of steroids( I think, anyway) my strength is getting much better and even my tiredness isn't as bad. I was even sleeping pretty well at night, but that hasn't been happening lately.

I go back for another MRI in February, so we will see if it has been shrinking anymore. In January it had shrunk about 5%, so the dr said thats a step in the right direction. I am still going to PT and I don't know how well it's helping, but I'm still going.

Has it been so long?

Okay, so it's only been two years or so since I've written, but I think about it quite often and think, " you should write again", so here I am :-)

So much has happened since I wrote; I was getting SOOO much better, almost like I was back to my old self(for the 2nd time) ( that people couldn't tell and I could hide it anyway) THEN one afternoon I am driving home and realize I just passed a four-wheeler and didn't know it. Not just one, but I passed two! :-S I didn't know what to do. We saw my Nuero-opthamalogist and he discovered that I could not see out of the left sides of both of my eyes. Since about mid-summer(2011) I have been learning how to "see" again. ha A lot of times I have gotten to where I just go on about my business and forget it, that's all I can do, right?

In the last couple of months, my dr has started me on taking a bigger dose of steroids, (for swelling of the brain) that turned out to work incorrectly, so they decided to slowly pull me off of them. I still have A LOT of weakness on my left side (and even right side too sometimes), but the worst part is, they caused me to have major swelling, so I am unrecognizable;, I have headaches, I don't like to go anywhere because of the swelling and I don't want them to see me like this. BUT, I have faith in God and HE will get me through this, just like he has done in the past. We are going to make it through, I just keep telling myself that.

It has been a week 1/2 since my eye surgery and things are healing pretty well. I didn't quite realize how painful it would be. It kept me down for several days. I guess that is expected, I mean they did put me out for it. I guess the doctor didn't tell me that is was going to take a few days to get back on my feet. After everything I've been through though, aggh, this was nothing. lol Really though; right now, I have double vision still, but it is now on the other side. Everything has two of them, just flip-flopped from where it used to be. I talked to a friend who had this surgery when he was a baby and he said that at first they would seem over-corrected, then straighten up. I am hoping that is correct, bc that is how mine are. I go back Thursday for a check-up.
Jacob is getting bothered with me bc I don't do enough therapy; I know I need to do more, but I am just at a point to where I do not have the desire to do more. I did it for a year- hardcore and I just want a break. I know I shouldn't, but I don't know how to motivate myself. Maybe I can get there. Hopefully.

So, I went to the eye doctor a couple of weeks ago; he looked at my eyes and said there was no way he could give me glasses to correct the double vision. I wanted glasses. But, since they can’t do that, I am having eye surgery on Sept. 17th. I didn’t want to have another surgery, but if it’s the only way, then I guess its okay. He said it is no big deal and it seems like they do this all the time. If it will correct the double vision and make me be able to drive again, then I’m all for it! =) Also, I am waiting on my new medication to help my hand quit hurting all the time. The medication is one that will (hopefully) help the nerve pain to go away, instead of just taking Tylenol that only helps pain. I hope it helps! I am saying my prayers!

Ok, so I am pretty bummed out right now and have been for a couple of weeks.. It bothers me that I still can't drive. Really bothers me. I go to the PT next week, so hopefully he will give me full reign to drive or whatever. I won't really feel comfortable until I get glasses, but I don't want the PT to say to come back to him after I go to the eye doctor, so hopefully he will just say that I can. He was the one who said I couldn't in the first place anyway(I think).

I had some problems fighting back sadness and all that stuff the other times this year and got through it fine, but I have been feeling like that again. It sucks, plain and simple. There's no better way to say it. I'm going to get over it, it'll just take time. I have started writing alot. That helps, actually that makes me even more sad, but it feels good to get it out. So, I guess in a way, it is helping. I thought all this would kind of feel like it was over after June, but I guess you really can't put a time on it. I'll make it through, just have to be strong and wait it out! I'm tougher than this is! :-)

So far all is going well! I am very happy to say that. It has been almost one month since the last treatment and I still feel pretty good. I go to the Physical Therapist on Aug. 18th in OKC and the eye doctor Aug. 25th in OKC. I am very optimistic that the eye doctor will have good news for me. I am ready to be able to see again! I have a feeling he will say I don't need surgery to correct anything but it is a possibility. Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when it gets here. What's one more surgery?? Nothing after what I've been through!! ;-) We will see what they have to say. The PT just wants an update, so we will be there for probably a total of 10 minutes. After that it will be on to the hospital to say Hi to my old PT's and OT's and everyone else.

~NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS!!~

Well, things are going well so far! I'm very happy about that. The doctor (Ramzi) said I could have a loss of motor skills up to several months after radiation, so we are just crossing our fingers that it doesn't occur. I was worried about coming home, then having to go back to the hospital bc of motor skills or something, but I am soo thankful that nothing has happened. I saw the PT today, and she even said I can quit seeing her! There is enough there that I can do at home to keep up and stop paying them to use their equipment. If I start seeing a degression I will start going back though. I hope this is the end of a LONG chapter in my book; I think I am feeling better just knowing that we have come to an end with all of the procedures. I say end, I THINK end. There could be more radiation, but we won't know that for six months. One thing that I am happy to say is I am going to the eye doctor(I can't spell what kind of doctor) in late August to see what we can do about my vision. For the first time in a LONG time, I feel happy; nothing but happiness. That is a good feeling. Maybe we can look at me starting to drive again(after the eye doc, of course) and... I just want to yell! Such a feeling of relief, I am finally through with ALL of this. This year has been more than most could ever imagine, and most people are off having fun the first year of marriage, but Jacob and I spent our first anniversary a little different than most( in a hospital), at least we will never forget it! Hopefully I get to start a new chapter in My book of Life! =)