~NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS!!~

Well, things are going well so far! I'm very happy about that. The doctor (Ramzi) said I could have a loss of motor skills up to several months after radiation, so we are just crossing our fingers that it doesn't occur. I was worried about coming home, then having to go back to the hospital bc of motor skills or something, but I am soo thankful that nothing has happened. I saw the PT today, and she even said I can quit seeing her! There is enough there that I can do at home to keep up and stop paying them to use their equipment. If I start seeing a degression I will start going back though. I hope this is the end of a LONG chapter in my book; I think I am feeling better just knowing that we have come to an end with all of the procedures. I say end, I THINK end. There could be more radiation, but we won't know that for six months. One thing that I am happy to say is I am going to the eye doctor(I can't spell what kind of doctor) in late August to see what we can do about my vision. For the first time in a LONG time, I feel happy; nothing but happiness. That is a good feeling. Maybe we can look at me starting to drive again(after the eye doc, of course) and... I just want to yell! Such a feeling of relief, I am finally through with ALL of this. This year has been more than most could ever imagine, and most people are off having fun the first year of marriage, but Jacob and I spent our first anniversary a little different than most( in a hospital), at least we will never forget it! Hopefully I get to start a new chapter in My book of Life! =)

I go in for radiation Friday, and I feel very scared for some reason. I know it isn't that of a deal, but I guess with the things that went wrong in January I am hesitant to do anything thus time. Honestly, I don't want to do it; I don't want to do anything else, but I have to. I have to get this over with. I keep telling myself that...I have to; hopefully I will be okay. I have to be okay. I have to be okay. If you could hear my voice right now, you would know how nervous I am. I know I'm going to be fine... but what if I’m not. I can’t go through not being able to walk again, I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. I’m sure no one will read this before I have the Gamma Knife, but I’m still going to ask you to pray for me. Thanks! Love you guys!!

My radio-surgery or radiation or whatever you want to call it is coming up pretty quickly. I am not near as nervous about this as I was about the procedure in January, thank goodness. I only hope I will not have any of the set-backs that I did last time.. The doctors said I wasn't likely to have any problems that I did last time, and they say that again, hopefully their right. People say they feel that I would have had the swelling and loss of motor skills no matter where I went for the procedure, but I can't help but feel like I am setting myself up for it again by going to the same place. Don't get me wrong, I think Dr. Welch is great and I don't think him doing the procedure did that to me, but I can't help but ask myself that... I guess I just need someone to blame. He isn't to blame though, he has been a wonderful doctor.
I think that Jacob and I are going on a little trip in a couple of weeks. We are not sure where; either Memphis and Nashville or St. Louis. I pick the first one, I think it would be fun bc we are goinh to Graceland and the Grand Ole Opry... that would be sooo much fun. I am a HUGEcountry music person, so that would be aewsome... and there's no telling who we would get to see there.Oh well, either trip would be fun, I just need to get away and clear my head before I go in for ANOTHER session. At least this is hopefully the last one.
It is strange to say that... the last one. This has been on my mind since Jult 19th last year, but now it is finally coming to an end. I have gone through so much, more than I hope anyone has to go through, and now it's over; just OVER. Kindof like, "Where do I go now?" I am ready to go out of the country.. when I get completely better, we are gonna go on a cruise. We could do that now(i think) but we don't feel comfortable doing that, the boat doesn't exactly have a place to land a helicoptor if something happens! We will just wait awhile for that one. :-)